Yes or No

Somebody do ask me.

“ Can you help me dude? ” im just nodded. Of course I will as long as I could because ‘tangan yang memberi lebih baik daripada tangan yang menerima’. I always kept that words in my mind.

“ Could you lend me some money?  Im really need it. ” Im think for a while.  What did I think? I just thinking how much in my hand and how much left in my bank account. After consider it’s enough for my expenses, only then I answering.

“ How much did you need it? I cant give you a lot.  What did you need it for ? ”

“ For my monthly expenses. I had spent all my PTPTN money. Now I had no more. Please. Lend me any amount that you will. I really had to lend it from you. If not, I have nothing to eat. ” Hmmm. Could I just give or ask more. Okay ask more!

“ On what you spent on your money for? I’ve been seeing that at the first semester you’re buying a new smartphone and all of your picture in IG full with an outing pictures. Does you spent your money lavishly on that kind of thing? And why did you ask money from me? Why not others? ” I can see her face starting to change. Its seems like she was a little bit offence. Hmm, it always turn to my fault. I can’t see this.

“ Im sorry. Im just wonder. ” I hope she is not offence that much by my words.

“No worries, it’s true. It was my fault. I failed to manage my money wisely. I do ask from you since you’re the JPA holder. Besides, you got allowance quite a lot from us right? ”  Hmm. How easy she saying that right. Since I don’t want her to got offence again. Im just took RM50 note from my purse and give it to her.

“ Fifty only? How can I survived till the next month. ” Wow! Its such an awesome reaction ugh. Sigh.

“ Don’t you know how to say thank you. I got to go and it was none of my business at all. ” I left her without thanks from her. So pathethic. She doesn’t knew how to appreciate and say thank you.

That things remind me on how hard before I work for money. Money for me isn’t something easy to hold and I have to work hard on it. During my secondary school, I study so hard in every examination for a better result as a requirement for applying scholarship. But still so I didn’t get it. Nevermind lah as for me rezeki is anywhere. Then during my break after SPM, im doing some part time job in clothing shop in Puchong just to earn some money for expenses to enroll a matriculation programme. I did so many other job just for work for it. Its so many till I forgot to describe here. Such an old lady right haha.  Why I did choosed matriculation programme? Because I do get an allowance there compare to foundation and form 6. Finally I got enrolled there. Such a relieve when I think I might got RM250 per month ‘hurmm I think lah since it was a long time ago. Haha. Not so long. ’ My thought a little bit stray  when I knew that with that RM250 I have to  spent It on textbook and also on my daily expenses. I don’t want to ask money from anyone. Since I have an ability to draw not so perfect portrait, ‘so-so’ lah, urmm something like karikatur I got  an idea to make it and sold it RM10 per drawing. With that income I bought all of my textbook and also my daily expenses while waiting for my allowance that used to be late inserted in my account. When I got he allowance, I forgot to thing about anything else instead of go to the shopping mall at Bukit Tinggi since all my friends got to go there. Well, nama pun shopping mall, it such a place to finished your money. Once I back I wonder, Hmmm how about my next and next day expenses. With a regret, I make  my part time job again. Sometime I do going to Jalan TAR and central market to did it. To earn more I do writing an article for magazine. Not just one magazine. Its so many laa. One memorable experience when I write an article about 3 pages and I just got RM4. I don’t know why its still fresh in my mind till now. It do make me learn one thing that is money is not that easy to earn. Sigh. On more thing that I wouldn’t ever be forget is when I sold pop the soda. A carbonated drinks during IM4U festival in my college and I earned about more than a thousand. It was not that easy. Imagine four girl had to carry 40 cartoon of carbonated drinks to the shop lot. We doesn’t contribute with others since we want to maximize the profit later. Such a stingy right. Started from that I do enjoy in doing business since I know only by that I can earn a lot of money. Guess what, im used to work during my sem break as a freelance cleaning servicer just to start up my business and so on. I printed my name and my phone number on a paper and distribute it at the housing area nearby. Guess what. I just work alone. With no shy, I just being thinking to get money. There’s a lot to describe and I don’t want to describe it here since it was not the main topic.

The main topic here was about the conservation. Why do we choose to ask when we physically can earn something. Its not for others. Its just for us. Why didn’t we choose to do something good for ourselves. I still remember another conversation ;

“Hey! Why don’t you do business to earn some pocket money. ”

“ I don’t have a capital.”

“ If I lend you money for your capital, could u promise to pay me back?”

“ Hmm.. I will if I earn a lot. But I can’t promise.”

“Why?”

“  Because I don’t have a market. ”

I wanted to conclude here. The biggest obstacle was our own self that fill with a lot of an excuses. There’s a lot of things that we see out there. Open your eyes. Open your heart. Every singlething that we do was actually a chances. Chances for us to earn something. First thing we can earn is money. Overally, the most valuable thing was not money, it was an experience. Experience that make as a better human. Human with common sense. It can’t be buy by money no matter how much we pay. God always give us two choices. Yes that might help us out of our problem or no that make us stay still. Yes or No?

The Most Valuable Thing Ep1

“ We’re given two hands. One is for helping ourselves and one for helping others. ”

Last Sunday I’ve started my task as a volunteer to get involve in teaching the special kids. The class was started from 8.30 a.m till 2.00 p.m. My session was start arround 10.30a.m.-2 p.m. The class was held at Masjid Saidina Abu Bakar, Bangsar. Frankly said, it was a little bit awkward and nervous since I had no experience in teaching those special kids. It’s been a week I’ve doing some research on how to teach the special kids. According to my little research after  ask few nurses and doctor that in charge of children wards in HUKM , they’re (special kids) usually like a visual learning such as drawing and also some learning conduct in cheerful vibe. They used to get bored after 10 minutes and above learning, so we must apply various way to teach them according to our creativity. So I’ve prepared few song and also some story that might attract them. I also do downloading few apps in my smart phone that might help me to handle them with care.

Once arrived at the mosque, ive started my step entering the class held at computer lab with Basmallah. May God Bless and ease my job today.  My nervous overloads once I saw three special kids inside doing some process pengajaran dan pembelajaran with their teacher that I called Kak Mim and also another volunteer, Munirah. My nervous reach my maximum limit when Kak Mim asked me to introduced myself to the kids. Gosh! Like serious I have no experience doing some introduction session with them. I forgot to do some research about how to introduce myself in front of them. I’ve trying hard to remember few song that I’ve been memorize just to teach them but my mind was totally blank. I felt nervous here rather than doing a presentation in front of my kuliah. It’s a very very different scenario. I’ve took a very deep breathe and started to introduce my name, Okay guys! Nama kakak Nurul Suhada. Haa… Adik2 boleh panggil kakak Kakak Sue! Then I just smile and I look at those kid one by one. One of them sit on wheelchair while another two seems like normal kids. I smile and smiling brightly to them because seriously I have no idea what to do. Okay to terminate my awkward moments, I just being myself and try to approach that kids one by one. I asked their name, The girl andswer me by typing her name on her laptop, the boy seems too shy with me (Kak Mim answering his name for me) and the wheelchair’s boy do warmly welcome my presence by saying something, at first I didn’t understand his words, but Kak Mim was helping me a lot. Thanks Kak Mim!  Im really glad both of them showed some feedback to me.

Then I took a sit next to the wheelchair boy named Yusof. He was too good and too excellent. Over my expectation I bet. My tears almost fall when I heard him answering what had been teaching by Kak Mim just by look on it. He didn’t hold a pencil, he didn’t hold a tablet, what he can do is by observe and thinking. He’s too good.Im almost speechless. Im try to adapt with him. By seconds, I can understand well what he had been saying. After that teaching session, Kak Mim ask me to read a story that had been written at the back of Yusof’s notebook to him. Kak Mim said that Yusof can read well. Okay this boy is something! Then im started to read with him. I took it one by  one. I explained every words to him. What is the best thing is he kept reading with me. Now I can catch up his words better. Sometime I do stop reading and drawing on whiteboard to explain to him, sometime I do singing to him, and I various type of teaching lesson with him. Im happy to see him show a positive feedback. I also do wrote some homework to him and said to him, “ Ucop… Ni keje rumah Ucop. Jangan lupa buat tau.” He do nodded and moved his body. I know he wanna said okay! My session with him over when her mother come to took him. I don’t know why, it felts sad to finish this lesson with him. I looked on the Yusof and her mother. Her mother do kiss him at his forehead. I can see love there. A pure love and bond between mother and son. Her mother say thanks to me. U shouldn’t say thanks to me auntie. I’m the one who should thanks to you for giving me chance to learn a lesson that I only got today for entire of my life. This might be a good beginning for me for this 2016. Bye Yusof, see you next week. Then C1 (8.30a.m-10.30a.m.) session was done. Actually C1 isn’t my session, since im came earlier, im just comin to the C1 class. I think after this I will  come to both C1 and C2 class since it was too exciting.

Move to the C2 session, (10.30a.m.-2p.m.), the first kid I’ve been teaching is Nina in this session. Nina was such a very pretty and cute girl. She’s alsoa little bit shy to me but she do answering her name when I ask.  Nama sape?Nina.(very low pitch voice) Umur berapa? Lima. (Gain a very slow pitch). By the ways im glad she do answering me well. Nevermind Nina, it might took time for you to adapt with me. I’ll try my best okay dear! Just give me the chance to learn about you. Nina learning using her ipad. I have to write on the whiteboard and she learn by typing it back in her ipad. Then I move to Harith, a cute little boy. At first I do approaching him, he didn’t show a positive feedback to me. I hold his hand since he was coughing, I guess he had a fever, its hot. Yeah he might not feeling well today. I try and try to find out his interest.  I found out that he love to listen on my story. After seeing him bored on arranging a cube of color to train his focus ability and hand movement, I story him with some story of my life. Im relieved to see him smile. His smile showed that he like it. Then I continued back to his lesson. He had a tough time on lifting the cube. I try to help him. Slowly he showed an improvement. The one that touched me is when his hand try to hold the cube and lifting it. Another hand is holding me tightly. I can felt that he need someone to lead him. He need someone to help him. So that he can do well. I move my face closer to him, wipe his saliva and smile to him. You can do it Harith, you doing well. Don’t give up dear. My pray gonna be with you from now on syg.

My next kid is Alia, Alia was a very bright girl. She can count well. She can recognized a letter and number well. She also can read well. “ Papaya, Nenas, Halia, Belon, dua puluh satu” Imagine she do mention this with his very cute voice. I felt wanna kiss her once! Such a good  and bright girl. The learning lesson with her is ask he to put the things(sticker) at the proper number. She doing all those thing with pleasure. She  so fast. Im proud of u Liya. Then I move with the introduction session that already been told by Kak Mim which is Siapa Saya. After Munirah, I’ve started the session. Hai semua! Nama kakak Kak Sue. Ha cuba sebut oya nama kakak sape? Oya answer well KaChu haha So cute right. Nina just look at me. Still shy I bet. Then Harith just smile and move his body (showed he knew my name), as for Liya, she doesn’t have a very good mood, she’s a little bored I guess. Nevermind, let’s try next week okay Liya! Then I talk about my hobby, kakak suka main dengan kura-kura. Haa siapa nak tengok kura-kura kakak? Angkat tangan. Most of them raised their hand. Im relieves that they’re interested to my story. I showed to thrm one by one the video of my pot pet. They seems to like it. Their smile really do make me calm, the innocent smile make me forgot what I’ve been face out there. Thank you kids tahnk you my syg2 semua. Lot of love for u guys.

Then another student arrived for the next session. Kak Mim told me that this session a little differ, just teach the kids with 1,2,3 with the mainan. I approach one kids named Aqil sitted on his wheelchair. He always  smile. Look cute and handsome boy! I played a masak-masak with him and Oya. While played I put some lesson such as 1 plate 2 plate 3 plate. Okay aqil, bagi satu pinggan. He gave me one. It showed that he learned fast. Just need a little care in teaching. Then Aqil show me the book rack. He want to read some book. I took the book and read together with him and Oya. After finished one book I ask him to complete his task by lifted the cubed according to the color. He do listen to me well and he do everything well. Then he showed to the book again. Okay, Aqil was really love to read. I just read to him with some body language, he seem understand and sometime he laughed. The laughing really make me happy. Pure happiness. Then imove to Nuha that crying all the session. She seems a little scared to me. So I just let her with Munirah. Lastly I move to Syahmi. Such a very fair and cute boy! He can’t sit, he just lying on the tilam . But he is in learning process.He wanna hold everything that he saw. He do insert the mainan that I give in the trolley when I asked. A step ahead improvement. Im so happy.

Last but not least here, I wanna shared that this is the most valuable thing that I learnt in my life. To teach them, we have to be prepared mentally and physically. Just be yourself. Our deep heart will able to manage them well when our first nawaitu is to learnt from them. As for me this isn’t a wasting to be able to involve with them, its such a best lesson in life that u cant never learnt outside there. It seems like we are the one who teach them, but actually they’re the one who teach us. They teach and remind me to be grateful and thankful for what I am now. They’re my forever kids. I started to love them from the first sigh I met them. My pray always be with them. May Allah ease their journey to be able overcome averything that might be come.  Ameen!

“We can’t never be direct the wind but we can adjust the sail”

Teori Hidup Aku

Apa pendapat kau orang tentang langit . Biru. Putih. Kelabu. Ya! Mestilah ada masa warnanya jadi kelabu bahkan hitam lebih-lebih lagi bila ia ingin memuntahkan isi perutnya setelah beberapa hari dikandung. Fuuh, sekali keluar rasa lega tahap dewa lah. Okay, back to the topic. Pernah tak kau orang fikir nak keluar dari comfort zone? Tepuk dada cuba tanya lubuk hati yang paling dalam. What is the thing that you never do? The answer is belong to yourself. Biasanya, bukan sengaja kita terfikir mahu keluar dari comfort zone, mesti ada sesuatu yang berlaku yang membuatkan kita keluar dari comfort zone tersebut. Dalam kisah aku, aku tidak pernah sama sekali terfikir ingin menawan langit biru sebab aku tahu tak tercapai dek kemampuan aku. Nak jadi pilot, hurm mana ada duit banyak nak masuk akademi plus mata aku yang ada empat ni. Mimpi je lah kan. Nak jadi burung, alahai macam drama  agung dari aku puteri kayangan. Sampai mati pun tak jugak tumbuh sayap macam burung ni ha. Agak relevan sikit, panjat gunung yang mak ai lagi tinggi dari pencawang elektrik sebelah rumah aku. Baru sebut dah menggeletar kepala lutut aku. Maksudnya awal-awal lagi fizikal aku dah menyerah. Jadi boleh aku katakan that’s it’s the most thing that out  of comfort zone.

Apa pula pendapat kau orang semua tentang cinta? Kalau orang sastera mendefinisikan cinta, memang tak tercapai dek akal maksudnya, kau umpama bunga yang mekar di hatiku, pasai apa depa kaitkan bunga dengan cinta pun cek tak tau noh. Bunga bunga lah kan. Cinta cinta lah. Sat sat kalau gabungkan jadi bunga bunga cinta macam lagu Misha Omar. Ha ada lah sikit kaitan bunga dengan cinta tu. Slightly accepted! Tapi bagi aku, cinta tu tak boleh diungkapkan dnegan kata-kata, kau rasa kau tau sendiri lah. Ha lagi satu, yang aku pasti, bila ada rasa cinta, sayang dan suka, kita pastinya kan menyukai sesuatu yang disukai seseorang yang kita cinta dan sayang dan suka. Tu teori yang memang terbaik dari langit punya lah. Dan dari teori terbaik dari langit inilah timbulnya cerita ini.

Lumrah kan manusia buat silap, we live and we learnt. Kehadiran seseorang yang membenarkan teori terbaik dari langit, kadang-kadang tak kita sedar bukan, hinggakan suatu hari kita sedar betapa besarnya makna seseorang itu dalam hidup kita. Semua gara-gara teori lumrah manusia buat silap. Sigh! Dan bagi aku hanya dengan mengejar sesuatu perkara yang disukai individu yang kita sayang+suka+cinta itulah buat kita rasa begitu dekat dengan dia. Aku ceritakan satu perkara yang disukai dia yang aku 2S1C, sebab dia suka bajet hero panjat gunung lah aku turut sama nak bajet jadi hero jugak. Eh jadi heroin.

Aku sedar untuk bajet heroin panjat gunung bukanlah sesuatu perkara yang mudah. Fizikal kena kental beb. Meskipun aku memenuhi ciri-ciri atlet idaman gadis Malaya, tapi untuk sampai tahap panjat gunung tu aku sedar masih di luar kemampuan aku. Sebabkan teori terbaik dari langit tersebut, aku nekad untuk keluar dari comfort zone aku. Gunung pertama yang saksikan aku bajet heroin Malaya bukan calang-calang gunung tau. Puncak tertinggi di satu daripada empat belas buah negeri di Malaysia. Frankly said its totally tough. Totally mental breakdown. Totally blank. Dan menyebabkan aku 3 hari 3 malam tidur macam ada paku kanan kiri. Walaupun dengan fizikal yang tak seberapa, disebabkan nak buktikan teori terbaik dari langit ni accepted, aku tetap meneruskan misi teragung dalam diari hidup aku.

Aku ingat lagi satu perasaan bila aku berjaya berperang dengan mental dan juga fizikal aku untuk sampai ke puncak. Satu rasa yang umpamanya bila aku tuliskan dengan pena belum tentu dapat aku gambarkan. Dan rasa tersebut akhirnya buat aku jadi orang sastera sekarang. Haha. Puas! Sungguh aku puas! Dan yang paling penting aku dapat buktikan kebolehpakaian teori terbaik dari langit aku. Data analyze is about 100% accepted! Sungguh! Aku rasa begitu dekat dengan dia yang aku 2S1C! Tambahan pula pendakian pertama aku buat aku dapat hasilkan teori baharu iaitu  teori physical is just a second option. Tunggu teori seterusnya dari aku dalam misi pendakian seterusnya! 

p/s : Here it come to my first to my first post for year 2016. Hope it is still not to late to wish happy new year to my silent reader of my blog (O__-). Lets make this 2016 such a year for us to shine! For those who had been waiting for my #mlfas , i really sorry cause i had to stop  post it from now on since im in process to complete the manuscript to be sent to the publisher. Lots of sorry! Wish me luck!